If someone discloses they self-injure , it is important to respond supportively , with compassion , and without judgement .
Someone with more severe self-in�ury , or who also has suicidal thoughts or behaviours , is more likely to disclose their self-in�ury , perhaps as a way of accessing professional or medical support .
What not to do When someone tells you they self-in�ure , you may feel concerned about their safety and wellbeing . You might be upset someone you care about appears to be struggling . You might feel overwhelmed and unsure how to respond . These and other reactions are understandable and expected .
But it is important not to over-react or respond with high-intensity emotions . This can signal you are uncomfortable , which may make the person less likely to talk .
It is also not advised to ask a large number of questions ( such as , what they do , when they do it ) as this can seem like an interrogation .
Another common reaction is to stress the importance of stopping self-in�ury . Although this is usually because they care for the person and want them to be safe , a problem-solving approach may not be what people need . The person disclosing may simply want a chance to share their experience .
Many people have mixed feelings about stopping � wanting to stop self-in�ury , but also wanting to hold onto a trusted coping strategy .
What to do If someone discloses they self-in�ure , it is important to respond supportively , with compassion , and without judgement . It is important to give the person space to share what they want in their own words , to actively listen , and to validate this is likely a di�cult conversation for them .
It is also important to recognise someone may
share a bit about their experience now but may not be ready to talk about everything yet . Being patient is therefore important .
Telling someone you are there to listen and support them can go a long way in letting them know they can come to you again if they need to and they are not being rushed or pressured if they are not yet ready .
What can I say ? To support someone who discloses they self-in�ure , we recommend using a low key , compassionate tone that communicates you are concerned and are there to listen without judgement .
This involves acknowledging self-injury can be a di�cult topic to discuss . You can say�
I recognise this isn ’ t an easy conversation . However , I appreciate you ’ re willing to share and I ’ d like to understand what it ’ s been like for you lately . Part of this can also involve a “ respectful curiosity ”. This involves communicating a genuine interest in a person�s experience . You can say�
I know people self-injure for different reasons . I ’ m wondering if you can help me understand what selfinjury does for you ? Recognise self-injury is often not something someone can just stop . This can go a long way in making the person not feel judged and therefore more likely to talk about it . You can say�
I can appreciate self-injury has been helpful to you , which I can see would make it pretty difficult to stop right now . Finally , it is important to take care of yourself . Supporting someone who self-in�ures can take its toll . Be sure to take notice of how you are feeling . It is OK to tell someone you need a break right now and to find some time to look after yourself .
What can I expect ? If a person discloses their self-in�ury , take the time to listen to what they are saying , and what support they need right now .
While learning someone self-injures can be challenging , you may find that not only can you support the person , it can bring you closer and strengthen your relationship . n
People who self-injure and those who support them can find more information from the following resources : the book Understanding Self-Injury : A Person-Centered Approach ; the Self-injury Outreach & Support website ; and resources in 11 languages from the International Consortium on Self-Injury in Educational Settings .
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